Jul 25, 2023
WEBVTT
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Hi everybody. Welcome to Fabuli Candice, season 3, episode 8.
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We have Renee Ralis back. To talk about All good things. All good things are distinct.
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I absolutely.
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Yes.
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So gosh, I talked to you. It was like what, 2, 3 weeks ago? Yeah, and we just hit it off and then I set you somebody because I thought Oh my gosh, this parent.
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And we've connected and it's wonderful. So yes, thank you.
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Oh good. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I was like, hey, what they did already. So let me just, let me just give an update.
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Yes.
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Just brag about you again for those that maybe didn't hear the first podcast with Renee go back and listen to it though.
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So as a mother, educator, advocate and transformational leader truly Renee Trulias. Renea sought out or set out, excuse me, to build a better way for the neuro-distinct.
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As an innovator, she is co-founder of 2 of the first virtual schools in Arizona.
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Yes, you are. You've got it perfectly.
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And founder of theiara. Am I saying that right? Okay, good. A business design to support the neuro-distinct from cradle to grace.
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As a visionary, Rene has always sought to make the intangible tangible. Creating connections and building bridges in relationships that positively transform all aspects of love.
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How cool is this? Rene is dedicated her life's work to helping the neuro-distinct establish belonging and connection every time I read your bio I'm emotional.
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Yep. I was emotional in creating this. I think, you know, the is just the culmination of everything I've learned and gathered as a neuro-distinct is just the culmination of everything I've learned and gathered as a neuro-distinct person as the mother of no distinct children married to somebody who's
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neuro-distinct and We really haven't talked about those issues for many, many years for generations in terms of how it.
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It expresses itself in our relationships with one another and it's so exciting that The neurodiversity movement is changing that because it's empowering so many people all around the world and I am so excited to be here with you today because that's exactly what we talk about, right?
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Right, yeah. And right before we recorded, I said to Titan, oh my gosh, we gotta record this because You and I were talking about our ancestors and where we come from and you know, just generational.
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I would say the gifts that we get from our from the generations that came before us. So do you do you mind sharing about your grandfather what you were saying?
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Hi.
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No, that's fine. So, years ago, actually the year I was born, my grandfather started a counseling center called Emerge.
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And you know, it was just a thing in our family. I had no idea that Emerge was an acronym because I was a little girl when it was all designed and When I after I started Thiara and everything I do at TR, it's an acronym based system that includes Each acronym has executive functioning
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and sensory processing strategies and activities included in the acronym and I had and I developed Emerge D which is a class about emerging as neuro diverse and empowering people to embrace the neurodiversity and better manage it.
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And in that process after the classes were all completed. I was going through old newspaper clippings that my family had saved.
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And found an article about my grandfather when he started Emerge. And it was an acronym.
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I had no idea and I lined up. My acronym for Emerge with his and they read as a sentence.
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Oh my gosh.
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So I mean, I sat there and I was overwhelmed. I started like tears were in my eyes because I'm like this is what I was literally born to do.
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This is what I think our family was intended to do. For all of time really and it's so interesting and powerful how all of those things happen and when people are trying to expand the good and when you carry that forward it really truly manifests and we have no idea what's gonna manifest.
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In generations to come. So. Yeah.
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Isn't that just so beautiful? I that's just so beautiful. I mean my partner Chris and I are all about it just honoring our ancestors and you know, just connecting with our wise and well ancestors and those that came before us and just really filling that love and nurturing and then like you said passing it down and
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here you weren't even aware of it.
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But just the alignment.
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Right. Yeah, I have no idea. My family members didn't even really know. I mean, they were called when I found the article.
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Clipping and they're like, oh yeah, I. We didn't even mention it to you.
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I was like, this is huge. So.
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Yes, but very exciting.
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It's huge to not be mentioned! So shout out to your grandfather. Is it your father's father's like your father father?
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Okay, so.
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It's actually my mother's my mother's father and my whole family. I mean that was why it was kind of so crazy to me that I didn't know because we all spent time investing and working in some capacity at the counseling center all while I was growing up.
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So.
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Yeah.
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Hmm. Yeah. So just an honoring of your maternal, your maternal grandfather, right? Really and how beautiful that you are doing this.
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Your yeah you're continuing it
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It's very exciting. I, you know, and it was so empowering to me because I think when we realize, I think I was I was listening to a podcast a while ago.
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And it was talking about I think it was something like over 470 generations that have come before us to get to us and now and we are called for a profound purpose and connecting with that I think is huge and understanding that all of that went into creating us and bringing us here and we were born for Now for this time.
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Yeah, what we're talking about is so huge. It's so huge. It's so beautiful.
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I really believe that that those of us that are here were called to be here on earth at this time and it's a challenging time.
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Yes.
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I especially in the neurodiversity movement. It is challenging time. There's a lot of infighting going on right now among Have you noticed that like II actually have been avoiding social media, doing kind of a social media detox, doing kind of a social media detox.
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I think we part of that for me is because I hyper focus on it. And I just get, I check too much.
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And then also it pains me. It pains me to see, you know, for those of us that are neuro-distinct, it's like we're navigating enough.
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To then have it just fighting inside the movement.
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Yes, and I completely relate. In fact, I was developing some content in the last few days. And I was tackling some of those issues.
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I think some of the biggest terms we talked about last time are removing some of the negative language that and it's not that the the language has empowered many of us.
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So like using words, the identity or the label of being disabled has equipped many to access the services that they've needed traditionally like in the education system and the work environment and we've needed that but when all of those words have a negative connotation attached to them I mean when we think about the word disabled, we're not
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thinking about the abilities the person has. And that's really at the heart of I think. What many are trying to do with the neuro-diversity movement is highlight the strengths and lead people strengths first.
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Rather than according to their lack, but we're not trying to throw out the labels. The labels are important to acquire the services and yeah I've I read through a lot of the posts and it and people going back and forth and that and it's It is difficult not to hyper focus on you know one
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person's understanding or grasp of it versus another. And so we just have to work to focus on the positive things and I think really highlight.
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What good we can bring out of even the disagreements like what are we really trying to get at? Where do we truly agree?
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And I think we truly agree that all narrow distinct people need to be empowered and we need to be advocating for neuro inclusion in every way we possibly can.
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Yeah, I agree. So let's talk about that too. I agree. 100% disability is not a dirty word and I took some heat from some folks in the autism community when I posted on LinkedIn and talked about let's ditch the Ds, but what I was talking about actually wasn't just
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disability. I was talking about putting autism in the diagnostic manual as a disorder. To where people think it's a mental illness.
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Right.
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And what happens when that late we get Basically that's attached to us. Our services we get are not accurate.
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Correct.
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And so then harm is done. And so, you know, I agree about the word disability in terms of getting the services that folks need.
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And I also believe that we've got to look at what are our strengths in the school system.
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In relationships in the work environment. And it's a difference. Our neurotype has differences, but it's not a deficiency.
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You know, if I'm comparing myself to my partner who has post-traumatic stress for instance that sometimes I do wonder if he has narrow difference but you know again There could be, I mean it really can look very similar.
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Right.
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So we have to really tease that out, but his brain is different from my brain. And so how can we look at it as a difference together? Our brains are different.
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It's not that I'm deficient to his brain or I'm not deficient. Compared to my husband my partner right
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Yes!
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Hmm.
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Right. And there's nothing necessarily wrong. I mean, with you and that was one of the big things that You know, my husband and I were in a counseling session actually last week and we were talking and our therapist had had his own breakthrough and was like you know at the core of my traumatic triggers when
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I'm triggered. At the core of it underneath all the layers is this idea that something is wrong with me.
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Yes.
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And we just sat and practiced really embracing the fact that nothing is wrong with you inherently that we were designed differently for a reason and it's supposed to help us Expand ourselves, integrate ourselves.
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Yeah.
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Become more whole and I think that's the constant work. How do we find the bridge? And that's a lot of the work that I do with ER is helping people bridge to one another regardless of their neuro differences, whether they're in a distinct or more neurotypical wherever they're at on the
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map. My husband like yours has experienced PTSD as well and it's difficult to ferret that out. And it's difficult to ferret that out. But the bridge can be the same.
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It doesn't necessarily need to be need to
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Okay, well we're definitely gonna talk about we're gonna kinda deep dive into bridge bridging right a bridging 2 people and bridging the gap if you will like, hey, what I want to also say because it's important with what you just said.
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So often I get emails and I don't know if you experienced this too from Search well intended partners of a neuro different person.
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And it's just microaggression, microaggression, micro pathologizing, offensive language, offensive language.
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And then when I sometimes I'll try and redirect, right? Blaming partner partners this there so this and that they're autistic and it's then it's just an email that's downhill from there.
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Yes.
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And I'll gently do my best to. Try and give up my point of view around that and then Sometimes what comes back is even more offensive.
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It's just like. Unintentionally, right? So I want those folks that are listening that really believe that your partner is deficient, The autism diagnosis.
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Is a problem. I really want you to listen please just with an open mind be curious about where we're going to talk about with Okay, you might have a different brain than your partner does, but you can bridge.
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There can be a bridge and we're gonna talk about what that looks like.
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Yeah. And to me, you know, I that's the big interpersonal acronym that I focus on at at the ARA and we talk about you know the B stands for Build for bounty.
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How are we going to move forward together? How can we put some put some bricks down in our relationship.
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How can we lay some foundational elements to help us move forward positively, regardless of our difference. Relate with recognition.
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We have to understand that we bring different things to the table and I think many of us kind of look in our love relationships.
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To you know there's the whole Jerry Maguire saving they he completes me you know that whole concept and we and we think the other person is going to do that but we come in with our own with our own understanding of, you know, our upbringing.
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What a marriage might look like, what a relationship supposed to be and Those things sometimes just need to fall away so that we can establish new things together to move forward.
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And the I is integrate for impact. How can we utilize your strengths and my strengths to positively benefit our relationship?
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And that's the G is gather for gain and that just moves us forward into, you know, how can we pick up little habits?
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Maybe it's a micro habit maybe it's a strategy maybe it's like last time we talked about you know putting something physical on a wall so that you can like see this is what we're doing for each other and it sounds so simple and I've had so many people kind of laugh at me about that when I talk like what are you
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Yes.
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Yes.
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saying I need a behavior chart with my spouse. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying it's important for us to have that check in and kind of say, okay, this is it's a way to validate what you're doing and also what the other individual is doing and also what the other individual is
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doing and also what the other individual is doing and when you see your partner validate you. Through something very visual because we're all different types of learners, right?
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Some of us can take a statement or a word from of kindness, a compliment and and it really sits with us.
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Yeah.
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But for someone else, they need to see it or there needs to be some kind of physical, you know, act showing it a display of tenderness or emotion and then the the is educate to empower so that's all about how we can educate each other to move forward.
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And that's exactly what we're doing now with listening to a podcast, you know, following different people on social media to try to gather more information.
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About who you are and then who your partner is so that you can more productively move forward.
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Thank you.
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So I just love your acronyms. Seriously, I love your acronyms. They are brilliant.
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And I want to talk about, I mean, really. Like, you know, it's like you're getting your foundation down with building for bounty, then relate with recognition.
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What I got is sometimes we have to change the way that we look at things. So that we can see the other person's perspective.
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Yes.
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How can I, how can I, you know, relate to what you're saying or find connection or even have empathy or compassion.
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For your experience instead of getting so locked in to my viewpoint. And that's not just me as an autistic person, Chris can get locked in his viewpoint too sometimes.
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Exactly. We all do. I mean, we're looking at the world through our own lens, right?
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Yeah!
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It's almost like we're all creating our own little movie for ourselves and what we and so it's stepping outside and trying to look through somebody else's lens.
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And that's really hard. So for me, the acronyms were a mental. They give me a mental script to follow.
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Yes.
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That's pretty broad and that way like when I'm in a difficult encounter, okay, I need the bridge.
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Maybe I'm not recognizing the other person's differences. Maybe I'm not truly seeing them.
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Mmm.
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You know and that's it's just that mental check to go back and grab hold of my thoughts so I don't go down the rabbit hole of this person.
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Yeah.
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I can't believe how awful they are. I can't believe they just said that to me.
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Yeah.
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You know, like, and that's not, that's not accepting any kind of abuse, but recognizing that most of the time when we are involved in any kind of abusive behavior, there's no intention associated with it.
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It doesn't mean it's not impactful in a negative way to the other person, but we have to stop, you know, the way we're thinking.
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So giving ourselves those scripts to move forward, I think is really powerful. It has been for me.
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It's changed my relationships profoundly.
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Well, the scripts. Oh, well, 100%. I mean, since our first call, you know, it's like.
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For Chris and I just noticing and let's I'm gonna jump down here to gather for gain.
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Rooting each other on, you know, you talked about how you put this little whiteboard in your bathroom so you and your partner could note the good that's happening because it's easy to forget when we get in our day to day and it's like, oh, he for, you know, he didn't take the trash
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Right.
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out, right? Or, you know, and you just like check on the negative. It's so easy to focus on the negative sadly.
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And so how beautiful. So we don't have our whiteboard, but I'll tell you what, since our last podcast I shared with Chris, you know, about you and how Misi are and said, I want us to start doing this at the end of the day where we just do a review.
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And then what I've noticed is we're starting to do it throughout the day. Just like, you rock, way to go, good job, you know, just focusing on those positives.
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Right.
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So that we build up that emotional like bank account, the positive nugget bucket if you will.
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Yes, yes, and that's what we so badly need to do and you know I've been doing it for a while and it was interesting because the other day.
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I looked at the board, it's higher than, you know, and I had no idea like because I had not.
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Yeah.
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I had not redone the board in a while and my husband had literally filled all these hearts in like all he was putting in in places.
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That's adorable.
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That I couldn't and I didn't even recognize he was seeing me like that. Like he was recognizing and so it was like.
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Oh
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Yes!
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Oh, so like it made it so much easier when we do have like a negative shuffle in the morning getting kids out of the house or whatever it is where I was like He's seeing me.
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Yes.
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So, and then it makes me desire to go back and give more more positive input to him but not only that.
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He noticed that I wasn't doing it. He's and it made him check in with me more.
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Wow.
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Yes.
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Yep.
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And I think, you know, I heard it's so funny because I heard Renee Brown on a message and she was talking about calibrating your energy level and doing that check-in with your partner and saying, okay, I'm coming home right now.
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I'm at a 10%. I don't have a lot of extra to give and it reminded me of my little boy because we were at Disney and he was like.
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A mom, he was like, I met, he was telling us we were with friends and we were not.
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Yeah.
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It was a bad maybe parenting moment, but he was at like a like he kept telling us I'm at 30%.
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I'm at 20% and he was only like 5 or 6 you know and he he got down to 0 he's like 0 and you just laid down on on the pavement and are the friend that was with us picked him up.
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And carried him back to the hotel with us because he's like he was telling us the whole time and we were just all caught up.
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You know, and I think, you know, all of those things that we can do, even if it's just a little thing to say, hey, you know, I'm I've had a rough day because sometimes we just come home and we're reactive and we take that out on the people we love the
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Yes.
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most. And we are not letting them know it's not really about you. You know, it and they're receiving it as it's about them.
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Yes!
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You know, they're taking you in as though they've done something wrong, especially for me.
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I tend to do that a lot with my family members. And so having that, we started doing it before I even heard it from Renee Brown because of my neuro-diverchant little one.
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He was already calibrating. Yeah, which was pretty amazing.
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Yes, which is so beautiful. Well, I let's talk about that too because meltdowns the term meltdowns right now is controversial within the neurodiversity movement.
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But I wanna say is that work that term works for me and I really feel like each autistic person.
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Yes.
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We really get to use the language that works for each of us. Last night, same thing happened. I'm driving home and I'm at 30%.
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And we just got a little bit of a bigger camper. And so I had, you know, I wasn't feeling well in the morning.
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I saw a few clients. I got home and we still had to put all this stuff from our other camper into the new camper and it's like 80'clock at night.
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And I got home and I just said I'm peopled out. You know, I am peopleed out.
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Yeah.
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I and then finally like after dinner we started talking and I realized like -oh. Like I'm on the, I'm at 0% now.
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Right.
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I'm on the verge to, you know, have a meltdown and so. I said I'm gonna actually go lay down so kind of like your son.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:11.000
Yeah.
00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:19.000
I didn't just lay down in the backyard, but I went into our bedroom and what I what Chris does that's really beautiful.
00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:32.000
Is he just gets real neutral like his energy gets real neutral because he said you know I know I don't wanna be in the line of fire and I know if I say anything.
00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:38.000
You know, if I say anything that there could be kind of this and he's right, that is my personal experience.
00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:49.000
Like you said, we love our family members and sometimes without intending to there can be a huge impact when we do get upset and our batteries at 0.
00:23:49.000 --> 00:23:57.000
So that was just beautiful for us. To be able to let me recalibrate and just build up enough energy to go.
00:23:57.000 --> 00:24:06.000
You know, get into the camper and do what we needed to do with moving stuff. But I wanna say that it does take 2 people and we've had a good week.
00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:09.000
Yes.
00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:20.000
If we had a bad weekend struggled every single day, last night he probably also would have been like.
00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:21.000
Yes, yes.
00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:26.000
Right. Right. Because everybody gets to that point. It's everyone gets to their end space.
00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:27.000
Yes.
00:24:27.000 --> 00:24:42.000
It's not just The neuro-distage person that we may and that's something that you know I was reading an article from Forbes and it was on the sharp end of neural inclusion and it was talking about how when someone gets into a dysregulated state it even used the term meltdowns
00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:53.000
I believe and it was talking about when that happens in the workplace. That people don't understand and they negatively meet that other person.
00:24:53.000 --> 00:24:54.000
Yes.
00:24:54.000 --> 00:25:01.000
In that dysregulated state. And so understanding and to me, I don't think of it's interesting.
00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:14.000
I don't think of like executive functioning or sensory. Processing differences between the narrow distinct and more neurotypical people as necessarily a negative thing.
00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:22.000
We just have a much more dynamic approach to those concepts. So there may be an area where we're really great at at executive functioning skills, but our disparity between those areas is more significant.
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:43.000
So we are more likely to have more more frequent issues with dysregulation. It just happens, you know, and it's part of who we are and when our partners understand that if you're in a mixed you know, neuro divergent relationship.
00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:51.000
Yeah.
00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:52.000
Yes.
00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:57.000
It's a huge It's a huge block brick to lay in the foundation of your relationship because then they know it's not about them.
00:25:57.000 --> 00:26:07.000
Crazy. There's not something wrong with you. This is how you're wired and you need more time or maybe you need more frequent pauses in your interaction or engagement and that's totally okay.
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:19.000
It doesn't mean that there's there's something that the other person isn't doing right or you're it's owning that embracing that about yourself.
00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:26.000
And then saying, okay, what do I need to nest myself in this moment? So that I don't negatively impact my relationship.
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:32.000
Yeah. Oh my gosh, you said so many things. So. Holy cow, where do I go?
00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:38.000
So let me just throw out there. Well, for those listening, especially partners that are not autistic.
00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:49.000
What I want you to hear is we're not saying A meltdown is a license to be excused to be like it started like excusable in terms of oh it's a license to be mean.
00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:50.000
Right, exactly. It is absolutely not that.
00:26:50.000 --> 00:27:00.000
We're not saying that. Yeah, we're not saying that. What we are saying is it's an explanation of what's going on with our system.
00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:20.000
When we get on overload and some partners might shut down where they withdraw without saying anything and some might be more outward where it looks like like my compute my internal my brain computer my systems computer is just going, but it's literally melting down.
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:21.000
Right.
00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:28.000
And so I wanna say that too. I also wanna say that can come from And I don't know if this is your experience.
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:39.000
Maybe maybe we've talked about this before, but not just we're just sensitive to the environment around us site sounds.
00:27:39.000 --> 00:27:40.000
Yes.
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:50.000
Smells too many people. But also energy. We are picking up energy. So as a clinician, what I'm noticing Who, especially as I continue to kind of do my own healing work on my own.
00:27:50.000 --> 00:28:00.000
Is that I am becoming really sensitive to energy. Now I've always been sensitive to energy. But now as I'm getting more attuned to how sensitive it's like.
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:02.000
That can wipe me out.
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:10.000
Right, a hundred percent relate to you in that. And you know, the concept of energy contagion is very, very real.
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:30.000
And so for somebody who is hyper aware, like you know you and I are then backing up and figuring out I'm always thinking, okay.
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:31.000
Hmm.
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:40.000
What do I need to do to nest myself in this in right now? Like how can I do that if I can't go to a room that I feel is sensory safe if the energy contagion is Too much, can I distance myself from, you know, people physically?
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:41.000
Yes. Yes, oh my gosh, me too.
00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:49.000
Can I have a fidget ring that I'm like, you know, I love conquering rings because I can just sit there and and fidget while while I'm talking to somebody and it's really, you know, discrete and not that it needs to be.
00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:56.000
No, no.
00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:57.000
Yeah.
00:28:57.000 --> 00:28:58.000
I'm not saying that we need to hide that. But for me, that's that works, you know, because I don't wanna take away necessarily from a conversation or social engagement.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:07.000
But what can I do? Can I move to a room that's even more physically like?
00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:18.000
Visually appealing to me like if we're in a larger space. There's different things and you need to figure out what works for you.
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:19.000
Yes.
00:29:19.000 --> 00:29:25.000
But I always reach for that sensory bucket to get that those needs met because you the energy contagion can be really toxic for individuals that do have those sensitivities.
00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:27.000
Oh my gosh. Let's talk about, let's just define that energy contagion for folks that are listening.
00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:34.000
That perhaps have never heard that because that's a that's an important term.
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:47.000
Yeah, for me energy contagion is just when someone comes in with that's bringing any maybe it's Someone is very angry and they're bringing that into the room.
00:29:47.000 --> 00:30:02.000
Maybe it's pure exhaustion. For someone like me, I literally, it's like my satellite dishes huge, so I'm absorbing all of that like a sponge.
00:30:02.000 --> 00:30:07.000
And I have learned to let it move through me, but that's a practice and a discipline. It's not something that happens overnight.
00:30:07.000 --> 00:30:08.000
It is. No.
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:22.000
So that can initially for someone that's not more aware be a real trigger and cause real strong really strong reactions from the other individual.
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:46.000
And so recognizing, okay, this is about what I'm experiencing and in the energy, maybe that person has Little control over the energy that they're bringing into the room because they're at 0 because they just got them bombarded with a bunch of negative things.
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:47.000
Oh. Yes. Yes.
00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:59.000
And so what do I need to do to control myself? How can I get in my body and that's where that real the sensory input I think Our sensory satiating activity is it may be removing yourself from some things is huge like you know my son had to get, I don't know if they're
00:30:59.000 --> 00:31:06.000
Yeah!
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:07.000
Yeah.
00:31:07.000 --> 00:31:09.000
called. They're not ear rings. They're ear loops. Because when he's at when we're at the dinner table, he just has a hard time hearing other people eat, you know, and so then he can control the sound.
00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:26.000
So bringing that into larger groups settings, I think. And those kind of safety nets for particularly people struggling with autism and other associated neuro-divergent issues is really powerful tool to move you forward.
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:36.000
Oh my gosh, yeah, so we're gonna stay on energy contagion for a minute because some things that I'll do is and Chris just because he's.
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:45.000
We're in we just honor the indigenous so we do polo santo or sage so I will pause on to my office stage my office.
00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:53.000
Clearing the energy. I have a rattle in my office sometimes just to move the energy.
00:31:53.000 --> 00:31:54.000
Yes.
00:31:54.000 --> 00:32:04.000
Going outside like brushing it off. I do that, right? I wash, I'll just go into the bathroom and I will put cold water, you know, just let it run on my hands until I could feel kind of washing drumming.
00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:10.000
Like there's so many things we can do. Like you said, it's definitely a practice.
00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:16.000
Those of us that are working with people all day long. I know I used to not do it and I would just be exhausted.
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:26.000
I thought I had mono, you know, it was like.
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:27.000
Yes.
00:32:27.000 --> 00:32:37.000
Yes, no, that's what it feels like. It can come over like you like a huge wave and for me, I carry a rock around a little smooth stone in my purse and I will go to the bathroom and wash my hands and let the water run over and imagine that energy being going into the stone, letting the water move it
00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:43.000
Yep.
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:49.000
Yeah.
00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:50.000
Yeah. Oh yeah.
00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:55.000
away. And so whatever if it's a visualization practice sometimes I imagine you know myself. Standing in a globe with things swirling all around me and stepping back outside of it until I can see this is something that's not me.
00:32:55.000 --> 00:33:01.000
This is not something I have control or power to change in any kind of way. I need to let that float away from me.
00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:07.000
Love it. Yes, I love it. I did a meditation this morning. I could feel some heaviness.
00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:18.000
So I just kind of use my breath as well. I just thought blowing like out just letting it just dissipate and this might sound woo-woo but what I want to say to folks is in indigenous populations.
00:33:18.000 --> 00:33:32.000
This is this is the norm you know and so so what I love also about the neuro-distinct community is we are we do think outside the box and we're very open minded.
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:33.000
Alright.
00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:42.000
I'm not saying that indigenous traditions are outside the box by any means. Oftentimes though again, anything that is considered different from the norm as we've learned, right?
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:56.000
Even culturally is considered, oh it's woo woo, but in reality For those of us that are helping, whether we are in an education position or teaching, we're coaching, we're counseling, we're healing.
00:33:56.000 --> 00:34:11.000
We have to use the tools that you and I are talking about and it can be, I mean for some people it's just gardening or you know getting outside going on a hike being putting your feet into the grass right
00:34:11.000 --> 00:34:14.000
It is. It is.
00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:15.000
Yes, yes.
00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:18.000
Right. Yes, grounding us. I mean, it's really mindfulness to take, I mean, I know we talk that's the more maybe palatable term for some people, but I agree.
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:30.000
I mean, these are absolutely imperative things to employ in your life because there we and it's really about getting back into our bodies because our bodies do I mean I love the book body the body cape score and they do keep score.
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:43.000
Keeps the score, yeah.
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:44.000
Oh my gosh.
00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:49.000
I've worked with so many people who have struggled with chronic illness and many of the roots of it go back and to trauma, microaggressions, all of it being in a trauma bond being, you know, having been in a betrayal situation.
00:34:49.000 --> 00:34:50.000
Yeah.
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:57.000
So there's All of those things, these are important tools that we have to basically focus our mind in a positive way.
00:34:57.000 --> 00:34:58.000
That's You have to think about the positive, cause Colin thinking constantly about the negative and that's a battle.
00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:13.000
It's not going to feed you. It's not going to nourish your soul. And our society is kind of throwing negative things at us all the time.
00:35:13.000 --> 00:35:15.000
So.
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:16.000
Yes.
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:28.000
All day long. I mean social media. It's all day long and it's Very, it's very, it's very, negative and so getting back to this energy contagion I've got to take a drink.
00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:35.000
Talking so much. For those listening. In relationship.
00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:43.000
Whether you're in relationship with partner children, co workers, colleagues, be aware of the energy contagion.
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:55.000
Be aware that you might Wake up and you're not feeling great. Well, other people can feel that and that might kind of you know, set the tone, be aware that you might be picking up other people's energy.
00:35:55.000 --> 00:36:10.000
Negative emotion. You know a motion is energy and motion that's not yours and what we're talking about is how can you really self care so that relationally It's not creating.
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:19.000
More issues. There's enough issues. My gosh.
00:36:19.000 --> 00:36:20.000
Yes.
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:35.000
Hi. Yes, and setting positive boundaries for yourself, I think is very much a part of the conversation, particularly like in our relationships and love relationships because you're usually integrating families, you're going to be, you know, there are going to be the occasions where you're at a big family gathering and that energy can come from someone
00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:44.000
the other individual really, really loves and wants you to be around and be a part of. So I think, I mean, that's been helpful in my relationship with my husband.
00:36:44.000 --> 00:36:56.000
Is saying like, look, I have a hard time with this person because of the energy contagion situation that person's maybe chronically there you know negative and it's difficult for me.
00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:58.000
Negative.
00:36:58.000 --> 00:37:15.000
And so we have kind of this on this understood thing that if I'm in the corner because some those people will corner you or put you know that we watch each other in those gatherings and kind of go and in and do a little swoop and say, hey, come over here.
00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:16.000
I love that.
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:21.000
You know, and so being aware of those things are really huge and being sensitive to one another in that space.
00:37:21.000 --> 00:37:24.000
I think is. Really powerful.
00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:32.000
Hi, I do too. Well, this has been amazing.
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:33.000
Really?
00:37:33.000 --> 00:37:37.000
I love talking to you again this weekend. I think talk for hours and hours, but we can't keep everybody on the podcast that long.
00:37:37.000 --> 00:37:45.000
But I love how we were able to really Deep dive into bridge your acronym for couples.
00:37:45.000 --> 00:38:01.000
And then also I love that you were able to talk at length about energy contagion. Because again we have a lot of couples that listen to our podcast that there's so much frustration so it's like Renee, you're a huge resource.
00:38:01.000 --> 00:38:09.000
You know, for both people in this couple ship to feel empowered to go. Instead of pointing the finger, you know, can I do a U-turn?
00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:12.000
How can we work together so that we're happier.
00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:20.000
Yes. Yes. I mean, that's what I think so many people and a lot of times we don't give people the tools.
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:26.000
My my goal with the ARA was really because I come in as a cognitive coach. You know, not officially as a therapist.
00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:28.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:38:28.000 --> 00:38:40.000
And so I'm coaching people on how to find those bridges, giving people some tools and strategies that they can utilize day one, even if it's just one tool that they take away from it.
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:48.000
And I'm sharing those out as much as I can on social media because we those things aren't necessarily, I mean, they're not provided to us.
00:38:48.000 --> 00:38:49.000
Yeah.
00:38:49.000 --> 00:39:07.000
We have to learn those things. And I've learned many of them through really, really difficult, challenging times in my own relationships.
00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:08.000
Yes.
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:24.000
And so how do we move forward and not let the relationship be destroy us. I mean, sometimes relationships can if we're unaware and we take ourselves away even if the relationship ends and you're gonna bring yourself into something new.
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:25.000
Oh yeah, it's a life best.
00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:30.000
And so in that case, having those strategies is I think essential to us. Feeling good, being okay, being well.
00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:31.000
Yes. Yes.
00:39:31.000 --> 00:39:35.000
Yeah, it's a life best. For so many of us, literally a life best.
00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:38.000
Hi, that's what I'm trying to do. Throw in the life preserver.
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:39.000
Yes, in the storm.
00:39:39.000 --> 00:39:47.000
You're doing it! Doing. You're doing it. So Renee, tell the world how people can reach you.
00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:55.000
So the best way to reach me is, via theiara.com or you can email me at theiara.
00:39:55.000 --> 00:40:01.000
Dot com, which is TH EARA. And I'm on social media as CRA.
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:02.000
Yes.
00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:09.000
And I'm on social media as CR away because I'm our tagline is lighting the way.
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:10.000
Yes, this was wonderful. Thank you so much for having me and I hope you have an incredible summer.
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:15.000
Which is so beautiful. Thank you so much for coming on again. This was so Right?
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:22.000
Everyone out there that's listening. Yeah, we're right in the middle of it. And so we get to keep enjoying the warmer weather.
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:28.000
Some of us live in places where it's warm all the time but I don't and I had a really hard winter so I'm excited about this summer.
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:29.000
Where do you live? Where do you live?
00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:36.000
We are in flag staff and we got one of I think it was the second snowiest winter. On record in the city.
00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:41.000
So it was just like a foot and a half every week. So I'm so happy to be outside.
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:50.000
Yeah. Oh my gosh, me too. So we're in Utah and in the valley and we got more snow for like 9 months.
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:51.000
. With
00:40:51.000 --> 00:41:04.000
I mean it was the longest. Winter for all of us. So I'm with you. I am just soaking up the sun.
00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:05.000
I hear you. I know. I feel the same. It's the same up here.
00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:08.000
It feels here. It feels like it's getting shorter like the warmer weather which makes me feel nervous because I just as I get
00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:16.000
We haven't broken 90 and we usually do by now. So yeah.
00:41:16.000 --> 00:41:17.000
Yeah.
00:41:17.000 --> 00:41:28.000
Yeah, well yeah, cause you're in Arizona. So that's wild. So yes, wishing you a beautiful summer and everyone out there and what's funny as you were saying that I was thinking gosh.
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:29.000
That would be interesting, right? Yeah.
00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:38.000
Well, our podcast be out there in the ether is like 30 years from now and people will listen and you know what I mean and it's like only we're talking about summer anyway I just think it's so fascinating just well we one day we'll be the ancestors for someone Who's lighting the way?
00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:52.000
Yes, yes, and that's the most powerful thing. That's what drives me forward every day knowing that My life can have multi generational impact and doing everything I can.
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:55.000
To make that as positive as it can possibly be.
00:41:55.000 --> 00:42:12.000
Beautiful way to end it. Thank you so much. I'm right there with you. All right, listeners, thank you so much for coming on watching us today since we've been recording and just wishing everyone so much love.
00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:18.000
So much compassion just asking all of us to be tender with our sweet selves as we go out into the world.
00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:19.000
Yes.
00:42:19.000 --> 00:42:26.000
It's It's not easy. So let's start by being tender with ourselves and love each other and love ourselves more.
00:42:26.000 --> 00:42:29.000
And until next time, bye!